one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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