Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
