Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
