drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
