saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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