everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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