I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
