More tranny stories later!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
