his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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