Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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