I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
