i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
