I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
