and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
