Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
