you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
