I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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