I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
