I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
