Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
