They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
