Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
