So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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