i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
