i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
