Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
