Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
