You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
