You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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