does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
