I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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