If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
