please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
