Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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