So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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