census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
