There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
