Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
