Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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