Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
