He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
that may or may not have been my penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
