dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
