u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
