Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
