I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
