JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
