obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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