you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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