Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
