i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
