Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
