She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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