In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
