Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
