I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
honey bunches of taint.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
