The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
