why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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