I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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