Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
