he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
