I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
