i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
