my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
