; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
