the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
