I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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