i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
