Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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