My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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