I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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