so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize