piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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