Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't deserve a penis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
