So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
