it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
