I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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