Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
