Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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