I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
