The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
