she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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