Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
