Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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