Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
